(轉貼來自lingua franca blog)
這年頭當女人很可憐，工作忙到沒空約會，暗戀的對象不是遙不可及就是名草有主。
不久前時代雜誌TIME選出了今年十個語不驚人死不休的作者或是名人，其中榮登第一名的，就是這個名為Tracy McMillan的女作家。大家可能對她不熟悉，不過此人可是當前北美地區炙手可熱的知名作家與名嘴。她的文筆非常犀利直接，身為女人的她，敢搖起筆桿來指責同類，感覺上好像蠻沒有同情心的。不過仔細看看這篇讓Tracy聲名大噪的文章，你就會發現，其實人家Tracy姨也是佛心來著地，規勸普天下女性，收起女強人的面具，別再躲在女性主義的旗幟後面暗自哭泣，因為結婚是一個學習付出與成長的好方式。這篇文章我節錄精華，讓大家學習英文之餘，也思考一下人生的道理。日本人稱嫁不出去的女性為敗犬。想要敗部復活成為勝犬，觀念得先改變。
Tracy McMillan 女士因為這篇文章聲名大噪，現在不但成了名人，以兩性專家之姿到處演講，還出了新書，寫劇本，可說是名利雙收。她本人結過三次婚，有一個13歲大的兒子。自認對於婚姻與男人並不陌生。文章偶有使用不雅文字，且內容屬於限制級，請斟酌觀賞。12歲以下孩童記得要請父母或是監護人在一旁伴讀，謝謝大家。
Why You're Not Married
Posted: 02/13/11 07:28 PM ET
By Tracy McMillan
You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud -- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you're hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor. (這一段的意思是說，為了要搶到一個男人，會像Bachelor這個節目的參賽者一樣去競爭。會參加這個節目的女人，都是長得還不賴的，大概都是為了一圓星夢才上節目，增加曝光率，所以作者才會稱她們為actree-wannabes)
You've never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box. 遠近馳名的Tiffany鑽戒，就是放在這個藍綠色的小盒子中，這種顏色的英文應該叫做teal也有人稱為Tiffany blue.
Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother's wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew美國知名的服飾品牌，不過價位不是很高，並非真正的名牌 that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket.這句話的意思是，當個伴娘穿的禮服也不怎麼樣，讓你覺得不如穿一雙可愛的靴子跟牛仔外套還比較帥(因為婚禮中伴娘不能搶過新娘的鋒頭，有時候還真的得穿得俗俗的) You started to hate the bride -- she was so effing happy (effing在英文中是口語的俗話，比較禮貌的F**king)-- and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you're not married. You never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why you're not married.
Well, I know why.
1. You're a Bitch.你跟誰都有仇
Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries.自我設限 But the truth is you're pissed.你不爽 At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off.
The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa單細胞原始動物 version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian知名美國女星，人美身材好. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle性感地扭動身軀, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.
2. You're Shallow.你很膚淺
When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.這句話的意思是說，好男都會願意負責，爛咖才會只跟你玩玩不想娶你
Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is (Eames chair是20世紀設計師Charles Eames設計的椅子，懂得辨識這種椅子的男人非雅痞即是品味出眾人士，作者只是在暗諷女人要的對象不是有錢就是要有品味). Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.
3. You're a Slut.你很隨便(跟誰都可以上床)
Hooking up跟男人約會或是搞在一起 with some guy in a hot tub熱水浴 on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long.
That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin催產素(又稱之為抱抱荷爾蒙，這種身體會自行產生的化學作用只有在生產與性高潮的時候才會分泌，因此也稱之為催情荷爾蒙) -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm性高潮 -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude傢伙 who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him暈船了(變得很在乎對方). And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, (這句話的意思是，身體的自然機制如荷爾蒙的分泌，不會分辨對方是好男人還是查理辛。查理辛是個過氣的好萊塢演員，人帥但是愛劈腿。作者這樣寫是為了要說明，跟爛男人上床也會被荷爾蒙搞到分不清楚什麼是真愛，所以上床前請三思，別跟爛咖男人胡搞)you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.
4. You're a Liar. 你在自欺欺人
It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic密碼一般的 and open to interpretation隨便你怎麼詮釋都可說得通的(曖昧的) like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now."
You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear!
About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in開始發揮作用. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.
5. You're Selfish.你非常自私
If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds由鼻翼延伸到嘴角的兩條對稱笑紋. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems.
However, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her這種用法在美式英語經常使用，就是把名詞當成動詞，significant other本來是指另一半，這邊加了ly變成副詞後面再用other。其實意思就是要娶(嫁)某人的意思。另外常見的用法還有Hi honey, I’m back.(甜心我回家了)Well, don’t you honey me (你少甜心我!). 口語使用可以，不過寫作時應該避免，因為不太正式Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.色胚
6. You're Not Good Enough.你缺乏自信
Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal 一個能力與各方面都跟你勢均力敵的伴侶. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.
Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.
I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.
Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.
Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it.婚姻的真諦不在於獲得，而是付出 Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis就是不受管束的小弟弟(可以到處亂上女人) -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy女人經年累月囤積出來的小公主幻想 so universal, it built Disneyland.(這邊是說要搞夢幻浪漫可以，不過請去迪士尼樂園)
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it.婚姻提供你一個長期愛一個人的機會，就算對方不值得你愛，你也甘心付出(啊，好感動，此為unconditional love之境界) Because most of the time, your messy, farting放屁, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous充滿美德的, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along: Love.要先愛人才能感受被愛的滋味 |
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